I have to start with the fact that I love the way God teaches us. His lessons go beyond my mind and understanding. Learning to me now means a truth must 1) be told to my mind through hearing or reading 2) be planted in my Spirit through Holy Spirit which effects my emotions and feelings and 3) be lived out through my actions and responses to things (typically this is not a choice or effort, my body just starts behaving differently for some reason). Those three parts always happen, not always in that order. And it's actually really easy to learn in this way.
So we just got back from a two night retreat with revival groups for the purpose of bonding and encountering God (I think). On the first night, God allowed me to feel Him like I never have before. Schedule for the night: Worship, speaker, fire tunnel (give or take the prophetic words or experiences or different things woven in there) (fire tunnel is when leaders line up and we are invited to walk through the middle receiving prayer for MORE of God). Knowing what I was getting into, I braced myself to not behave different than I normally do walking through a bunch of people in Wal-Mart, because I have been through many services where I watch others manifest wildly, and I experience peace and stand still, and that is TOTALLY fine, but a little awkward at times. =P At times, I figured I’d never experience anything crazy or feel much, at times, I reasoned that maybe it’s not necessary for the Christian life, but I see that my mindset is being changed, one fire tunnel, one prophetic word, and one jolt of my body (that I can’t control) at a time.
I crawled out of the fire tunnel that night laughing from deep in my belly like I never have before. I didn’t recognize my own laugh but it was big and unstoppable almost. What happened? How’d it start? I have no idea. I only know I prepared myself to walk through unscathed, and I even asked one of the leaders how they knew my dad thinking that when she said, “Daddy loves you, I know him,” She really knew Bill Heth. Two steps later, I got doubled over laughing and it was all a wash from there. Why do I tell that story about my Bill comment? To show that God just invaded my natural thinking in a time I was supposed to be thinking very “spiritually” (in my religious mindset – you brace yourself for those encounters and work up to it through your focus, right!? Lol). God did what He wanted, reminding me, I’m never disqualified from His touch. He’ll have His way.
Laying on the floor laughing hysterically was really enough (God likes to have fun), but sweet Holy Spirit took this moment when my mind was totally out of the way to start talking to me about some stuff. First he starts cracking jokes about lies I’ve believed in the past.
Quick scenario – The older boys in my neighborhood at home have convinced the younger boys that when they turn 10, they will get special powers, and they will get them from meetings with the man who has all the powers in a secret place(sounds like it could be sort of like Jesus, but that’s not what they meant, right!?) SO – when the younger boys try to keep this secret but spill it to me excitedly that they’re getting powers when they turn ten, I laugh out loud when they are away with the older ones who have duped them. One day the younger boys will laugh too. One of those, "I believed that!? That's hilarious. How dumb!”
So, I’m laying on the floor and God reminds me of myself during worship that night in which I was “striving pretty hard” to “feel forgiven” from some past things and I was “hoping that it wouldn’t take too long to be restored to my calling and anointing” (religious thinking). So, he brings up those things that in the same night (and in past years have) brought grief, and we cracked up. “You thought THAT would separate you from my love!?!!” He said. “Ooooh that’s a good one!” Over and over. “You thought THAT disqualified you!?” He was laughing really hard and hearty as well! =P How refreshing to “look back” with God and see how silly it was to stress over such lies and know that I won’t anymore. God’s love is big!
Secondly, he nailed identity. Although I was not expecting to get hammered in the fire tunnel, my faith was soaring high before I went in regarding other things. All that was running through my head was that, “If I wanted to be a butterfly right now, I could.” And I really believed it. It was one of those moments where anything was possible.
Why a butterfly though??? Because instead of a sermon, we focused on Jesus, and we were guided to go to a place where we remembered when we met our first love, and I happened to be a little girl writing poems about how much I love Jesus and animals and butterflies. Long story short, as I was on the ground, God confirmed he did not want me to be a butterfly or a stork (random huh?), he just wanted me to be Julie. I laughed hysterically telling him I didn’t know who that was. He was cool with it and took the spot as King assuring me He knew who Julie was. It was the first time, I’d admit openly and with Great Joy that I didn’t know who I was, but I was with the guy who did, so we were cool.
On Night number 2, we discussed joy – I just really want to encourage you to read the following passages and think about joy in your life and a very joyful Jesus.
Acts 2:15-18, Hebrews 1:9, Psalm 2:4, 1 Thessalonians 5:16, Phillipians 4:4
That night became a party with lots of dancing, laughing, laughing at each other, prophesying, FREEDOM, and for me- more conversations with God that I so need. My battle is my mind most of the time, and this gracious King got me sloshed enough that it couldn’t get in the way anymore, and then He began speaking such truth, answering questions from the past, revealing what He’s doing now, pouring out forgiveness, and affirming affirming affirming who I am and my relationship with Him.
While I was hearing these awesome promises and seeing things through new eyes in the spirit, my mind was in there still. But all it could think was, “What just happened?” after going through the tunnel and being around people filled with Jesus and not being able to stand up or not shake when they touch me. After every time falling down, my mind was floored, “What Was that!?” like a random windstorm that blows you off your bike then it’s calm outside. How confused are you in that moment!? You’d be very confused…
All I know is that in the presence of Sons and Daughters of God, other children get joy abundantly, and the enemy becomes absolutely terrified. Joy is a great weapon of warfare actually.
So in the end, all I could say was, nothing makes sense about this and it’s perfect. Nothing in our rational minds makes sense about how much God loves us, and about how easy it is to be His kid, about how we win most battles by choosing joy and rest, and about the fact that He’s more concerned with having fun with me and letting me sit on his lap and letting me enjoy being in the presence of Him and of other “drinking buddies” and “Holy Spirit Gluttons” than He is with giving me my mission and getting me out on the road again. He created the world in 7 days, He’s in no rush.
It’s perfect.
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